Worst First Dance Songs...Ever!

Hi guys!  Long time no see!  It's been a while since my last post, but have no fear!  I've got a fun treat for you in this post:  First dance songs!  After watching "The Wedding Planner" with Jennifer Lopez, I realized that, yes, there are some love songs out there that are much like potential significant others:  they seem great--at first--until you really look closely.  I know: ouch!  I apologize beforehand if I knock one of your faves, though...  Here they are!

CAUTION:  These lyrics may or may not be taken out of context.

I Honestly Love You by Olivia Newton John

I love you                                                  

image courtesy of For the Groom: Worst First Dance Songs

I honestly love you


If we both were born
In another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we'll be leaving it at this

Er, okay.  I've gotta say,  "You're spot on, J. Lo (or whoever wrote the script)!  A couple who chooses 'I Honestly Love You' is doomed!"  First of all, why does she sound like she's trying to convince herself that she loves him?  And secondly, this song seems kind of like it's about two people who are already involved with other people and then fall in love with each other but don't do anything about it except express their feelings...  Sounds like the love of a lifetime, don't you think?  Not.

 courtesy of websters-online-dictionary.org

Stuck on You by Lionel Ritchie

Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess I'll be with you 'til the end
Guess I'm on my way
Mighty glad you stayed.

This is the ultimate song of settling.  Why?  Because every other verse has "I guess" attached to it!  If you're wanting to display your love for each other during the first dance, why choose a song that brings to mind a non-commital shrug?

Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images North America

Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade
                                                                                    
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind


There's something about this song that enrages me.  It's the ultimate half-***ed love song.  Look at the artist, Secondhand Serenade (to the right), and the line "don't make me change my mind."  Really?  You're a guido-esque Dashboard Confessional singing me a serenade (secondhand, mind you), so I better not screw up and make you change your mind about arbitrarily choosing tonight to fall for me again?  Man up and take some responsibility for your feelings, dude!

DISCLAIMER:  My creativity stops here.  The following songs were found via an article:  Worst Love Songs of All Time.
                                                                                        
I'll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men

Throw your clothes on the floor

image courtesy of Wedding and Songs

And I'll take my clothes off, too
                                                                                        
Don't get me wrong...I love Boyz II Men.  I love this song.  But, please think of your guests!  You can save this song for the honeymoon.  You don't have to share with your guests a play by play of what you're planning to do to each other after the reception!  I actually witnessed a first dance between a groom and his blushing bride to this song, no joke.  Giggle.  I don't think the (apparently) happy couple really paid attention to what the song was about.  Unfortunately, neither did most of the other guests in attendance, so I had no one to snicker to.  (Boo)  If you were seriously considering this song before my post saved you, you might as well cross "Ignition" by R. Kelly off your list as well...

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HoldingHands

Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill

On emotional issues:

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives

On spousal abuse:

At times, I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees

On incest:

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again.

We didn't even address the chorus yet.



So there you have it!  The worst first dance songs you can ever choose for your wedding according to me.  What would be your picks for the worst first dance songs you can ever choose?  I'd love to hear it!